When Everyone Else Seems to Have It Together (But You’re Still Figuring It Out)
Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I don’t even recognize myself anymore”?
It’s not always about how your face has changed—it’s about how your sense of you has gotten blurry.
Maybe it started when your role shifted. The kids left the house. A job ended. A relationship changed. And without even realizing it, you started measuring yourself by what other women were doing, how they looked, or how far they seemed to be ahead.
Comparison has a sneaky way of creeping in during transitions. And midlife is full of them.
But here’s the truth: when we live by comparison, we lose clarity about who we are.
The Slippery Slope of Comparison
Comparison doesn't always look like envy. Sometimes it show up as:
“She’s so disciplined. Why can’t I get it together?”
“Her business is taking off. Mine feels stuck.”
“I wish I had her energy, her skin, her life…”
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it. But those quiet comparisons pile up, and over time, they start to write our internal narrative.
A narrative that whispers: You’re behind. You’re not enough. You missed your chance.
Friend, that voice is a liar.
Your story is unfolding at its own beautiful pace. And the life you’re called to live doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
When Identity Gets Lost in the Shuffle
In my own life, I didn’t realize how far I had drifted from myself until I slowed down.
I remember watching my daughters one morning and thinking, I don’t want them to grow up thinking they have to earn their worth. I want them to know who they are.
And it hit me—I had stopped living like I knew who I was.
I was busy. Productive. Caring for others. But I wasn’t connected to me. Not in the way that brings life. I had forgotten how to be instead of always doing.
So I started asking God to show me again who I really am—not who I used to be or who others expected me to be. Just me.
A Simple but Powerful Identity Exercise
If you’re feeling like you’ve lost sight of yourself, here’s a journaling practice that helped me come back home to who I am:
Quiet the noise. Get still for a few minutes. No phone. No pressure. Just breathe.
Ask yourself: “When do I feel most like me?”
Is it when you’re writing, creating, walking outside, laughing with friends?
List 3 times you felt truly alive.
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
What values were present (freedom, beauty, peace, etc.)?
Now ask: “What do these moments say about who I am?”
Do you see a pattern in what lights you up?
This isn’t about creating a new identity—it’s about remembering who you’ve always been. The real you may have gotten buried under years of “shoulds” and survival, but she’s still there.
And she’s worth rediscovering.
From Competing to Celebrating
One of the biggest shifts that helped me reclaim my identity was moving from comparison to celebration.
Instead of seeing another woman’s success and thinking “That should be me,” I started saying, “That’s what’s possible.”
Her beauty doesn’t take away from mine. Her success doesn’t limit mine. Her voice doesn’t silence mine.
When we cheer each other on, we actually create more space for our own gifts to grow.
This reminds me of what we talked about in the post You Were Made for More Than Playing Small—how easy it is to shrink when you don’t feel seen. But when you stop competing and start celebrating, you stop shrinking—and start shining.
What If You're Already Who You Need to Be?
I know the world tells us to fix, improve, hustle, and level up.
But what if your truest power is in returning—not in becoming?
Returning to:
The values that anchor you
The faith that centers you
The gifts that flow through you
The woman you were always meant to be
You don’t need to become someone else to matter. You already matter. Fully. As you are.
The more you live in alignment with that truth, the more confident, radiant, and grounded you’ll feel.
So What's Your Next Step?
Maybe it’s starting a morning rhythm where you pause and ask yourself: What does the real me need today?
Maybe it’s spending less time on social media and more time creating, walking, praying, or just being.
Or maybe it’s joining a group of women who are also navigating this season—where you don’t have to have it all figured out, but you do have a safe place to grow.
You don’t have to keep living in comparison.
You don’t have to stay disconnected from who you really are.
There’s so much beauty waiting on the other side of self-doubt.
And it starts by remembering: you were never created to blend in.
You were created to reflect the image of the One who made you.
Let’s walk that out together.
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